Some Life Advice as I Turn 40

Otto von Bismarck once said “any fool can learn from his mistakes but the wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” As I approach the ripe old age of 40, it seems like a good time to share the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Career

The greatest marketing slogan of all time still rings true … “JUST DO IT”. Less talk, more action.

Post college, you should be working a minimum of 80 hours each week. This is the time to learn and develop your skill set. All of my friends who fucked around in their 20s are now behind the pack in their 30s.

Woody Allen once said that 80% of success is just showing up. I’ve found this to be true. Be consistent. Keep showing up. Most others won’t.

Life is expensive. You need to find a way to make a lot of money. The “starving artist” lifestyle is for losers. I’ve noticed most young people don’t like hearing this point, but it’s the truth.

Wake up early. College is over. Time to grow up. The most peaceful and productive time of my day is in the early morning before my kids wake up. Use this time to set the tone and get stuff done.

Fortune favors the bold. It’s difficult to build meaningful wealth working for someone else. Develop a skill set. Then strike out on your own. This requires balls and mental fortitude. You will work harder than you have ever worked before. But if you can hack it, the rewards are immense.

“Hang around the rim.” An old basketball coach used to tell me this. Position yourself near the basket and good things are more likely to occur. Same goes for your career. Want to be a writer? Hang out and interact with other writers. Tech entrepreneur? Plug yourself into the start-up scene.

Read War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Understand the concept of Resistance with a capital “R” and learn how to fight it. This book was a game-changer for me and can be read in a single sitting.

Take all career advice (including mine) with a grain of salt. When I resigned from a premiere investment bank, I was told I just destroyed my career. When I later exited an established hedge fund to start my own, I was told my plan would never work. In hindsight, those were the two best career moves I ever made. Trust your gut.

Money

When it comes to your living situation, rent. It’s much easier to take calculated career risks if you don’t owe money to the bank. Save home ownership for after you’ve “made it” financially.

Buy a used car. I take pride in the fact I’ve never driven something new off the lot. Be a beneficiary of automobile deprecation, not a victim.

Debt kills. Avoid credit card debt like the plague. Outside of a modest mortgage, try to live debt-free.

Become a collector. Do your homework and become an expert in a niche area that interests you. Slowly build and curate a collection piece by piece. Collecting is fun and can offer tremendous financial benefits.

Don’t buy cheaply-made shit. When it comes to clothes, electronics, appliances, etc — spend the extra money on the higher-end option. This approach will actually save you money in the long run once repair and replacements costs are factored in.

Relationships

In both marriage and business, only partner with people that are smarter than you. I did this with my marriage and it has been the best decision of my life. I failed to do this in a prior business venture and it created an insane amount of stress and frustration.

Don’t wait too long to start having kids. Your options become more limited as you get older. If you find the right person, go for it. Big families have the most fun.

Respect is the most important part of a relationship. The “head over heels” feelings fade over time. Never complain or talk bad about your significant other behind their back. Mutual respect is a requirement if the relationship is going to have a fighting chance.

Many of my married friends now have limited or non-existent sex lives. Marry someone you’re physically attracted to. Be deliberate in sustaining the spark. Schedule frequent dates and trips together.

Good vibes and success are contagious. Hang out with positive people who are always up to something interesting. In the last decade I cut several “duds” out of my life. My only regret is that I didn’t take these actions sooner.

Fitness

I spent the first half of my 30s overweight, tired and depressed. After several false starts, I finally got lean and fit. Quality of life is far superior when you prioritize fitness. Get in shape and stay in shape.

Quit eating like a 9-year-old. Cut out the fast food, carbs and sugar. Between fruits, veggies, fish, chicken and steak, there are plenty of tasty options out there.

Your health never plateaus. Each day your body either gets stronger or weaker. Your choice which it will be.

I see meatheads at the gym who wouldn’t last five minutes on a treadmill. And I see runners on the trails who would have trouble doing twenty pushups. Endeavor to be a hybrid. Develop competence in the gym and on the track/trail.

On days that you don’t run, go for a walk. Leave the headphones at home. Enjoy some time in silence and observe your surroundings. Along with showers, walks are where I tend to get my best ideas.

When you hit the weights, take it easy. Consistency is much more important than intensity — three moderately intense workouts each week are far superior to one ball-buster workout that leaves you sore for days.

Supplements are a waste of money. Lift weights, run and eat clean. That’s all you need.

Oscar Wilde once said “moderation in all things, including moderation.” Break the rules every once in awhile. I grab donuts with my kids most Saturday mornings. Not the end of the world.

Mental Health/Lifestyle

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. Never complain. No one cares. There has never been a better time in human history to be alive. I say a prayer of thanks each morning before I get out of bed.

Anger is an emotion for losers. Tirades and hissy fits are signs of weakness. This is one I’ve had to work hard on personally. Reading books on philosophy and mindset has helped.

Celebrate the wins. The losses are inevitable, so enjoy the good times when you get them. Your kid gets a hit in the tee-ball game? Ice cream sundaes afterwards. Anniversary? Splurge on a memorable dinner. Living well truly is the best revenge.

Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living. Sit quietly with your thoughts each day. I do 20 minutes every evening after I put the kids to bed. No phone, no music, no distractions. You can pray, meditate, or just reflect on your day.

Stop being so fucking sensitive. We live in a society where people are constantly looking for reasons to be offended. Avoid this trend. Grow a thicker skin.

Manners

Tip generously. This is an effective way to develop a habit of unselfish behavior and build your character. A big tip makes a stranger’s day and generates good kharma.

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Work on being self-aware. Most people are narcissists and love talking about themselves. Use this knowledge to your benefit.

Develop an “edge” to your personality. 99% of the time, kindness is the way to go. But have another gear available for those rare occasions when something more is needed. Don’t allow people to fuck with you.

Miscellaneous

Buy a gun. Learn how to use it and keep it in a safe but accessible location. Take responsibility for the safety of your family.

Don’t mess with opiates. If a doctor prescribes pain pills post-surgery, get off them as quickly as possible. As we all know, this stuff is wildly addictive. Stay away from drugs in general.

The elites who control our country prefer a populace that is sick, dumb and scared. Therefore prioritizing fitness, intellectual curiosity and self-improvement is an act of rebellion. Go against the grain.

Your life consists of what you pay attention to. Limit your time on Netflix. I haven’t “binged” a show since college. Video games are worthless and should be avoided at all costs. Keep mindless social media usage to a minimum.

Build a baseline of knowledge on a wide variety of subjects. Read a ton. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries. This will make you a more interesting person.

Get a dog. Take great care of it. Hanging out with your pooch is one of life’s great joys.